In February Kyle got his second and final surgery to remove tongue cancer. Ever since we got the news that we have gotten past this health scare, we have been slowly coming down from the stress of all the unknowns that have been involved in this process. I think the gratitude we feel is still setting in, and that later on this year when there is more distance between us and this situation we will feel it in an even more profound way. Kyle will continue seeing the doctor who worked on him throughout the year. It’s strange how someone who did a life-altering procedure (or two) can just casually walk into a room and chat with the very person they operated on like it’s just another day at the office.
All of this has been making me reflect on the tongue and its significant role in Scripture. We take for granted so often the powerfully mundane ability to breathe, swallow, chew, taste, smile, and of course, speak, all enabled by this relatively small part of our body. God’s Word gives a lot of gravity to the way we use the tongue. In the third chapter of the book of James, the author points out that horses are guided by a small bit in their mouth and the horse’s whole body obeys the command of the rider as a result. James also compares the tongue to the rudder of the ship. Verse five says “So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.” He goes on to talk about how humans have tamed all sorts of wild animals and yet cannot manage to tame the tongue in their own mouth. It is defined by its contradictory nature to be both a vessel of blessing and of cursing.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
Precise language and quick witted responses are things that define my way of speaking. I love just pulling out some vocabulary or a reference to something that I haven’t used in a long time when it fits the scenario. It could be a line from Spongebob or Shakespeare and if it fits the situation I will use it and get the same thrill when someone else understands. And it usually comes to me quickly, like a puzzle piece that you have been waiting to find a spot for and you all of a sudden just know fits in the open space before you. I like to use words in innovative ways that push the margin of even making sense just to entertain myself and others. My love of words is what made me a good candidate for immersive language learning and what made my Spanish fluency just take off at one point. It is still so fun for me to listen to Spanish speaking or engage in conversation and say, wait, I’ve never heard a word used like that, tell me how you did it so I can make that word my own. For all of this mindfulness about language, I still also find myself having quick responses that are not so fun or light-hearted. Instead they come from a deeper anxiety that bubbles to the surface all too quickly through the words that I choose to say. My concern about the feelings of others, although backed by good intention, often leads me to over-analyze my interactions and assume the worst about situations. I think back over so many conversations and wonder what I could have said or done better because I worry so much about how my words can influence others.
On one level this is good because I clearly care about others and my effect on them, but on another level I try to take way too much responsibility for something I don’t truly have control over. And it has led to a cycle of burnout many times because I have a hard time regulating my mental energy.
This February has been fairly reclusive and I have been doing a lot of introspection on all these things. I have focused on just being there for Kyle in his recovery and marveling at how quickly he has healed and how the first thing he always does is point out it was all God’s doing. Our puppy Winnie also got surgery on her back legs and has been recovering from that. So our German Shepherd Sonya and I have been the two healthy ones supporting our two recovery ones. This month has been a lot of staying home due to recovery, winter weather, and due to sickness that has gone around with our family and friends. We have just been busy prioritizing ourselves which is something we rarely take time to focus on for such an extended period. I will remember these past few weeks as ones where we were just quietly laying the foundation for all the upcoming things that will happen as spring begins to thaw out the world.
Written by Hannah 